Babygirl Movie Review

Babygirl Movie Review

Introduction: A Deep Dive into Babygirl’s Exploration of Women’s Sexuality

Babygirl is a film that has been called an erotic thriller. It stars Nicole Kidman, Harris Dickinson, and my favorite Antonio Banderas. The film is about a high powered CEO who has an affair with an intern. Beyond the affair it personifies a common theme that women struggle with. This conflict begins in our teens and by middle age, many women are finding the strength and the words to express the angst they feel. 

The Struggles Women Face: Desire, Shame, and Secrecy

What the film does so well is to shine a light on secrecy and shame. These two elements can not co-exist without the other. It also tries to explain why some people do not address their true sexual desires and need for intimacy with a partner. Many feel safer exploring this with someone who does not know them. Someone whom they can explore this other side of themselves that has been suppressed for decades. Is this an excuse? Is this a way to justify their behavior? 

No, it’s one explanation. The cultural expectations placed on women has been to be a saint or a sinner, a mother or a whore. Being dominated into telling our secrets, being left with no other choice but to tell. The play that Romy’s husband is producing shows us a scene of a woman with a gun pointed to her forehead. It is at this extreme that she is confronted to admit she is “not really happy, that’s the bottom of it.” 

Romy is not in connection to the many aspects of her life that she is unhappy with. She is caged in a role in her life that does not bring her the satisfaction that she craves. This craving is a feeling that she later reports she’s been trying to treat. It manifests itself in what she deems a sexual deviance, sexual desires that she can’t understand. In her first sexual encounter with the intern she mumbles to herself that “she doesn’t want to be” she resists the pleasure and then cries in Samuels arms. The audience is left to wonder if this is perhaps the first time Romy orgasms with a partner. 

This level of intimacy reveals to her what she’s been missing and needing in her life. It contradicts the intimacy of her role as mother and wife. The movie shows us scenes of sex with intern and scenes of Romy in her family life. The only time the intern expresses any intimacy is with Romy’s family where the audience learns about his background. Questions that Romy had not shown interest in. Later, they fight in the car and he tells her that she looks like a mother and he’s not into that. He thought they were two children playing. When she starts to mother him he is disinterested, angry, and hurt. 

What the film does well is not to sensationalize sexual desire and exploration. Old taboos are no longer what they were. There is more permission to discuss what we want sexually as part of the give and take nature of a relationship. I loved Antonio Banderas’ character, Jacob, who is trying to navigate trust with a person who has been lying to him for 19 years. (I think that concept could make an interesting film, btw) In contrast, Samuel demand trust and consent. He knows Romy is a liar. Her husband does not. Samuel wants her to lay herself bare of lies, to play, and to pretend. He wants to reveal himself to Romy but she doesn’t seem interested. It’s a one sided relationship. 

Her safe word is Jacob, this is her safe place. A reminder that no matter how much Samuel gets her to bare herself, she will never truly feel safe with him. “Sometimes, I scare myself,” Samuel shares. He wants her to do her therapy on him, he wants her to ask him more about himself. She says that he  “knows things and senses things about people” and Samuel just wants to be held by her. Find a safe place in her that he can reveal and feel known. She doesn’t say more to him. That’s not the relationship that they have. It’s the same lack of intimacy, a pattern she is repeating. “I just want to protect you,” is a phrase Romy uses more than once to hide her own agenda. 

The Cuckoo Bird Analogy: Manipulation and Power Dynamics

The other fun “tell” was with the club scene where Samuel talks to Romy about the cuckoo bird’s survival strategy. It leaves its eggs in other nests to cause chaos. This is what he’s doing. Like the cuckoo bird, he sought Romy to be his mentor, a host mother. He’s learning from her, consuming all her attention for his benefit. Esme, another great character, sees Romy clearly. Sees in her the version that Romy could become, a real leader. Does not judge her on a basis of morality but sees her as capable. That lens gives her the courage to confront her own behavior and tell her husband some truth. It seems like a step towards her own self-acceptance, she wants to integrate these two sides of herself. How can they coexist in her life in a meaningful way? How can she be honest and vulnerable? She attempts it, and can’t come quite as clean as she needed to with her husband. Sh still tries to defend and justify her mistakes. But, its not about her sexual fantasies she can’t control, it’s about her lies. I agree with her husband. 

In the end the cuckoo destroys her nest and I feel sorry for Samuel. He doesn’t realize the extent of manipulation and lies. She did use and abuse him. Samuel seems to insinuate that Jacobs’ dated idea of sexuality could be another reason why this affair happened. This realization hits Jacob right in his chest. There’s truth in this statement. Perhaps Jacob sees himself in Samuel and in the moment before he leaves, perhaps Samuel saw himself in Jacob. 

Romy’s Emotional Journey: Struggling with Identity and Sexual Desire

In the end, I questioned if Romy was a hero? Does she embrace change and get in touch with her vulnerability, does she share her learning? Is she an advocate for women? Does she embrace change, sincerity, radical self honesty, compassion, the tenants of true connection. Dare to let go of expectations, it sounds like Brene Brown wrote Esme’s speech towards the end of the film. This is left for the audience to judge for themselves and in judging Romy, can they also explore the truths they are not revealing to themselves or their partners. Brene would say being brave needs practice. What can we practice? What is the film asking of us? 

Conclusion: Babygirl and the Exploration of Women’s Sexuality

Fundamentally, as women we are called to strive for this kind of growth. One of the great experiences in life is being a parent, being a partner, and having the courage to face ourselves while remaining in connection to our relationships. Developing a deeper understanding of how that can strengthen relationships vs. staying in fear or shame. In the end, Romy stands up for herself. No longer ashamed when a coworker tries to shame her with knowledge of the intern. We find her as we did in the beginning, having intimacy with her husband and this time she gives the audience a different version of herself. She looks her husband in the eye, they are closer. We see her allowing him to bring her to climax and although the fantasy in her mind is of the intern, she has revealed new parts of herself to her husband. He has accepted her, loves her. It’s not perfect, but it will do. This movie for me brought old and new concepts of sexuality together. Highlighted our capacity to grow and evolve, to come back from spaces we are ashamed of, and tell our stories.

#Womenswellness #confidentwoman #womenshealth #couplestherapy #marriage 

Coping with Grief, Burnout, and Uncertainty in 2025: A Therapist’s Reflection

Coping with Grief, Burnout, and Uncertainty in 2025: A Therapist’s Reflection

Coping with Mental Health Challenges in 2025

It was the Facebook post that got to me. In a private group for therapists—a space for support and shared struggles—someone posed a simple yet loaded question: “How’s everyone coping?” The poster, a queer woman living in the South, shared how difficult it has been treating LGBTQ+ clients while also managing her own fears. She admitted that her usual coping skills weren’t enough lately. I sighed in recognition of the weight behind her words.

I asked if I could speak to this friend, and my daughter agreed. She even suggested we all go out for dinner to talk. I smiled and said yes, that it would be nice. Being her mother, I encouraged her to ask them to reconsider. I talked about the importance of honoring commitments, of being accountable and responsible. She shrugged, unsure. Later, I told my husband about the conversation and how I was struggling to find the right words—for the friend, for my daughter, and even for myself.

Therapist Burnout: Recognizing the Signs and Finding Strength

Eventually, I replied to the Facebook post. I shared that I too felt like I was grappling with life and had decided to pause my transgender support group. My cup was empty. Earlier that day, after visiting my father, I even considered taking a two-year break from counseling if he passes away. My father is coping with heart failure and stage 4 kidney failure. When I saw him, he looked tired. Still, he got up and sat with me, letting his fatigue wait. On the table was his pillbox, a reminder of the relentless cycle of illness. Watching a parent near the end of their life is a grief unlike any other. And yet, I have to hold all of this while the world keeps moving. During the pandemic, my motto was “The show must go on.” I got up every morning, focused on my work, my family. I made sure the kids were logged into Zoom classes, wiped down groceries with my husband, anxiously stocked Lysol and hand sanitizer. I watched CNN’s death toll graphs, terrified of losing my parents. When they survived, I thanked God. But my grief had started before the pandemic—watching children in cages, families being separated, feeling the world unravel. That grief still sits in the center of my chest, reignited by new uncertainties and fears.

The Emotional Toll of Grief and How to Navigate It

Grief is like a strong repellant, something people avoid, as if it’s contagious. But it’s inevitable. We all carry it. In Mexico, we celebrate death to cope, to remember that our loved ones mattered. Their lives had an impact. We honor them.

At 3:30 in the morning, I finally broke. Tears streamed down my face as I asked God for more time with my father, for patience with my daughters, for safety for my loved ones here and abroad. I thought about people returning to rubble in Gaza, families reuniting with hostages, the ongoing war in Ukraine, the communities rebuilding after disasters in North Carolina and California. I prayed for them too.

And then I thought about my own commitments. The advice I gave my daughter about her friend suddenly felt heavy. I know so many of us are tired. We worked through the pandemic with so much fear. Where is that sense of resolution I once had? How do I find the strength again? During COVID, I doubled my patient load, extended my hours, poured myself into my work. I don’t know if I have that in me anymore.

I remembered my father’s kidney doctor, how exhausted she looked at his last appointment. Just before the holidays, she admitted to both of us how difficult the year had been for her. I wish I had told her how much her care meant to us. I know I thanked her, but I wish I had said more—that her work had a ripple effect, that she mattered.

Why ‘Échale Ganas’ Matters in Times of Crisis

Maybe I’m not depleted after all. The dictionary defines depletion as “empty of a principal substance, to lessen markedly in quality, content, power, or value.” But that’s not me. My soul is intact. I have not lessened in value. I refuse to use that word to define what I’m feeling. If I feel grief, it’s because I am alive. And if that is true, then so is the possibility of hope and healing.

I know hard times are ahead. My father’s illness will progress. The world will continue to break in ways that shatter us. My work will remain challenging. But I realized that my father doesn’t take his medication just for himself. He takes it for me. Every day, he chooses to keep going despite the pain. It’s the phone calls, the visits, the kindness that matter most.

As my tías and mother always say, “Échale ganas.” It means to give it your all, to push forward with determination. When I was young and complained about homework, my mother would say it. Now, at almost fifty, the words carry a deeper weight. I will give it my best effort, just as my father is doing now. Just as my tía did before she passed, holding on not for herself, but for her family.

These are the seeds we sow, the strength we pass to the next generation. Like the families rebuilding in Gaza, Ukraine, California, and North Carolina, we rebuild, too. It’s an act of love.

Let’s Keep Going: Share Your Story

Let’s share in that strength. Let’s be kinder, more patient. Let’s not give up. Échale ganas. #mentalhealthmatters #therapistthoughts #healingjourney #selfcare #therapistburnout #compassionfatigue #griefsupport #copingwithloss #healingthroughgrief #resilience #EchaleGanas #latinastrength #mexicanheritage #culturalwisdom #innerstrength #2025 #lifein2025 #personalgrowth #mindfulnessmatters #hopeandhealing #keepgoing #therapistlife #personalgrowth #lifechallenges #selfcare #burnoutprevention

CompassionFatigue


Crying, Why We Need To

Crying, Why We Need To

In doing research for this blog post, I consulted with ChatGPT out of curiosity about SEO related to the topic of crying. I was surprised to learn that a common question that is often searched on search engines is, why do I cry? People often look up crying and depression, crying and anxiety, crying in relationships, and why does crying make me feel better. As a therapist having worked with hundreds of patients over the past 25 years, I’ve engaged in a variety of conversations on crying. 

A common response I have noticed is associated with fear. A fear that crying is in some way an indication of losing control or not being able to deal with a situation. That somehow the act of crying denotes a weakness in character. Other patients have noted the cultural shame associated with crying. Crying designates a break in culture that is seen as socially unacceptable. Often, patients have tried to hold back from crying that physically makes them sick or hang on to the lump in their throat rather than release it. A sense of sadness comes over me when I hear a patient relaying a traumatic event in their lives as if relaying the weather forecast, disconnected and detached. Some take months in therapy before they allow themselves to express crying in session. 

A recent journal article in the APA titled, “Window of Opportunity”: Clients Experiences of Crying in Psychotherapy and Their Relationship with Change, the Alliance, and Attachment. This study was done in Italy and Israel and now replicated in the United States. The hypothesis, would positive crying experiences lead to improvement and strengthen alliances in therapy. So they interviewed 124 participants to learn if crying experiences in therapy were linked to improvement. Their findings were yes, participants who reported crying in therapy had greater improvement and felt better understood by their therapist.  This study highlighted for me the importance of spending time exploring with a client their experiences and meaning around crying. The study suggests specifically, spending time processing crying around insecurely attached patients. This leads to greater understanding in therapy, a positive alliance, and treatment progression.  

Finding comfort in crying takes time for most therapists to develop a level of ease. This is because we therapists have our own work to do around this topic. We may have come from households like our patients where crying was simply shut down by our parents and extremely discouraged. It may have induced panic in both ourselves and parents in trying to cope with a situation. Which is why we train for years and why it’s encouraged to speak to a mental health provider who is trained in these areas to help you. This is why it’s so different speaking to a mental health provider vs a friend or family member. Why it helps you in your own treatment to understand crying. Why you cry, what makes you cry, who makes you cry, memories attached to crying, crying and identifying emotions, expanding from old narratives about crying and getting to a place of healing. 

In the poem, Crying by Galaway Kinnell it starts with:

“Crying only a little bit

is no use. You must cry

until your pillow is soaked!

Then you can jump in the shower

and splash-splash-splash!”

The author is asking us to exhaust ourselves in crying, to allow ourselves to empty the pain we are holding so close to us. The pillow denotes a softness that can absorb all that we need to release. A gentleness that we need to extend ourselves so that we can then wash it away and rejoice. A sense of joy and playfulness that we can then transform our sadness to. I love this notion. In the poem’s last lines “Happiness was hiding in the last tear! I wept it! Ha Ha.” 

Simply beautiful, the revelation of happiness hiding in the last tear and releasing it to enjoy it or the moment and laughing reminds me of the healing that occurs in therapy. 

So allow yourself to take the risk, to not assume a loss of control or any of the old narratives you have in your mind about crying. Connect and build a positive alliance with yourself and your therapist for your own healing. 

https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/crying-95/

KATZ, M. et al. “Window of opportunity”: Clients’ experiences of crying in psychotherapy and their relationship with change, the alliance, and attachment. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, [s. l.], v. 55, n. 3, p. 258–268, 2024. DOI 10.1037/pro0000559. Disponível em: https://research.ebsco.com/linkprocessor/plink?id=138cb841-1dca-3ef0-9872-232d9ea6ee5f. Acesso em: 29 set. 2024.